WHAT’S GOING ON? #76 DECEMBER 2000
ALONG THE WAY: I am considerate.
THIS MONTH’S THOUGHT: As long as we think we know what ought to be, we have not surrendered. X can only work when we surrender what we think ought to be.
INNER AND OUTER CONSIDERING: (Excerpts from School talk #8 by Dr. Bob Gibson, Scottsdale AZ.)
We’re going to talk about internal considering and external considering. Everything that comes along we do a certain amount of considering, especially in all our personal and interpersonal relationships. How does this effect
me? Am I getting to have my way? Am I getting to do what I want to do? Are you interfering with me doing it? .
The major theme of our little School here in Arizona is to find out, firsthand, instantly, “What’s going on here?” instead of catching on to it next week sometime. What we’re interested in being able to see at the moment “What’s going on here”. So it’s possible that if we would pay attention whenever things get staticy, more than likely Number One, is practicing internal considering. Everything is considered from how does this effect me compared to some ideal of some beautiful situation. The ideal is set up and I’m considering how come
I don’t have the ideal and it’s your fault. And if it’s your fault you deserve being trimmed down to size by some good verbal sayings, if not that, maybe I’ll throw the dishes at you. Something has to be done to get things around like we want. Let’s take on the task of observing when I am doing internal considering. Now I don’t think it’s worthwhile to observe if another person is. Because the chances are that they are and then you’d have something to be aggravated about. So let’s only see what am I’m doing. Am I practicing internal considering. Am I considering everything from my non-disturbance? How will I be non-disturbed? How will everything get along? Now this is not only in relationships with boy-girls. But this is in relationships with bosses, with customers, with people in stores that you go in. Everybody that you have any personal contact with, it’s to our advantage to use external considering. Now in external considering we are considering how does my behavior affect you. .To make it simple let’s take the four dual basic urges. Everybody we know, including each of us, wants pleasure and comfort and we want to avoid pain. We want to gain attention and approval and we want to avoid being ignored or rejected. And we’d all like to have a little appreciation, at least, for our efforts.. So if we let people know that we are concerned with their pleasure and comfort, that we give them a bit of attention. We give them a bit approval and a bit of appreciation. You’re using external considering. Now you’re not doing this for the other person, necessarily. Our self interest is always pretty well all around. So we’re doing it because it’s to my advantage. And I’m not doing it because I’m a goody-good two shoes and want to please you. I’ll do it because I’m very selfish and would like to have what’s to my advantage. We can also see that we could withhold anything that would cause pain to the person. We can withhold ignoring people. We can withhold disapproval. When we do any accounts receivable we are again internal considering over something that happened maybe twenty years ago, twenty-five years ago, twenty-two years ago. And the body and the mind reacts like that is happening right now. I don’t see any use toting all that around. There is no way you’re going to collect it. No way. So why bother with the stuff. So we can begin to practice a little other considering or external considering, considering other people. When you’re concerned with another person you are considering
them, you have turned loose all urges to be considered yourself. As long as you’re on guard to be sure you’re being approved of and you’re getting no
disapproval and etc. you are constantly occupied with yourself. No doubt many of us have been around people that are on the defensive constantly. But I’m talking about the psychological defensiveness that you’re misunderstanding me and therefore you are going to disapprove of me so I’ll start in trying to straighten you out first so you won’t misunderstand me. Have you been around anybody like that in the last year or two? That no matter what you say they immediately start correcting you so that you will not misunderstand their position because if
you’re going like you’re going you’re bound to wind up disapproving of them and they want to avoid all disapproval at any cost. So they work constantly at it and this starts a tremendous number of hassles. It’s protecting the other guy’s buttons. It’s also considering that he doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s got a bunch of buttons hanging out that’s easily pushed and he would be all upset. Then if he’s upset I’ve got to defend myself.
I’m looking out to what’s to my advantage. Don’t you know that things are more to your advantage when everything is running smooth than when there
is a big fight. It’s just simply what’s to your advantage. I’m not talking about
pleasing anybody else. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about what’s to my advantage. So consider the other guy. Instead of all your good self-pities, how bad you’ve been trampled upon. And all the other stuff. (Question: How does this differ from pleasing?) Well, pleasing is doing it because I’d feel guilty if didn’t please. This one I’m doing it because it’s to my advantage. One is conscious
and the other one is an unconscious reaction. And this is a conscious behavior. Quite different
A STORY: Consideration is an attribute of a conscious person. There is more to it than meets the eye.
Several months ago a friend had an eight-year old from Oregon as a house guest for a week. He was a neat young man and I invited them over for dinner. It was my impression that the bod was a vegetarian, so I fixed macaroni and cheese for dinner. The kid didn’t like it. He really would have preferred a hamburger.
Where did I miss it? I didn’t ask HIM what he wanted to eat. I treated him as being less than responsible. Perhaps this goes right to the heart of treating someone with consideration. When I turn this around and someone treats me as not being responsible, I don’t like it. There are many who think they know what ought to be for me. And I’m sure others don’t like it when I think I know what ought to be for them.
Many years ago Neal, my husband, was making a phone call. On his way to the phone I called out the phone number of the party he was calling. He snapped back at me. “I am capable of finding the number!” He hadn’t ask me. I volunteered this bit of information thinking I was being helpful and he felt less than responsible.
All through the Teaching material it is emphasized that one HAS TO ASK. Sounds fairly simple, doesn’t it? But it is not easy for those of us who have mountains of information and experience to share to remain quiet. But to volunteer information without being asked is a method the self uses to feel important and superior. Ye gads!
It would seem, then, that to be considerate takes considerable consideration.
I will practice.
IDEAS TO WORK WITH:
- True prayer is praying for wisdom.
- We think by association and live by beliefs (decisions) until we can live by awareness, which is the Kingdom of God.
- We are free to have pain.
- There are no choices if we are free to experience future disturbance.
- When we come to the point where we would change NOTHING, we are a new creature.
- We feel responsible for someone to be happy so we won’t be disturbed.
- Our best teacher is the one who bugs us the most.
- Resistance to what is is the only problem anybody has. It is THE PROBLEM. When we are free to experience what is, we end all resistance. Everything is interesting.
- A need exists only when we are resisting something.
- The conditioned person is anxious to have all their senses (feelings) gratified. They are controlled by their senses. Satisfactions of the senses has been their God.
- When we assume a person is not responsible, we harm them.