WHAT’S GOING ON?
2022 AUGUST Newsletter
#169 AUGUST 2008
ALONG THE WAY
I have no wounds that are not self-inflicted.
THIS MONTH’S THOUGHT
Suffering is the price I pay for my attachments.
LIVING WITH STRESS – SCHOOL TALK #53 – Dr. Bob Gibson
We’ve had a lot of people call and ask us to talk about what is the most common and the most upsetting, unconscious, stressful situation a person involves themselves in. I’m going to talk about that for a little bit. Certainly everybody that might be doing that is totally unconscious of it, so it might be something we could all take a small look at. It is not something to condemn one’s self or pat oneself on the back about. Let’s see what’s going on here.
One of the most common things I see people stress themselves with is the effort to impress other people. It’s wonderful to impress other people. I think it is kind of essential now and then. It’s about the only way you can get their attention in some cases. But we would like to make it conscious enough that we could each determine how much am I going to pay in time, effort, strain, money, whatever it may be, how much am I going to pay in order to impress somebody.
It takes a lot of anxiety down in the solar plexus area to wonder if I’m doing it up well. I consider how much good I will get out of it if I did impress somebody. I’ll spend 5 minutes a month on it. Now, if I wasn’t conscious of what’s going on, I might spend several hours a day every day of the month and that’s way too much to pay for it.
We see people themselves into tremendous binds. I know people who spend each weekend putting on a big party that costs 6,8,10 thousand dollars in order to impress a few people they don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong with it. The only things we’re saying is: let’s make it conscious so I can determine, case by case, what I’m going to pay for it.
I know that most of us have been through somebody’s home or office that was loaded with jillions of trophies. Hundreds of pictures taken with this celebrity or that celebrity. You hang all these up. You get all kinds of letters that people have written you and so forth. Now, all of this keeps a person, if they’re unconscious of it, in a constant strain as to how they are doing at impressing. They are totally unaware that they are attempting to impress anybody. They are spending a tremendous amount of energy, which is very stressful to the human being. I think about one of us has some impression on everybody we go by, one form or another. You don’t have to knock yourself out to make a favorable impression. You don’t have to make yourself ill over trying to impress.
If we could look and see that all I want to do is be conscious of what I am doing. What I am doing is certainly not worthy of being condemned nor justified. It’s simply something I want to do. If I want to impress people, I’m going to do it, but I’m going to figure out about how much I’m willing to pay for it. I have a price level on all sorts of things. I like to dress up to look good, but there’s limit on what I would spend of my little income on clothing…
I’m not ambitious and I’m thankful for that one. I do hope that each day I make some little contribution to Life in some form or another through the day. A little of it is enough. I don’t need to do a whole lot. I don’t need to show that and neither does any of the rest of us here. We don’t have to impress people. I’ve noticed they catch on if you can do something worthwhile. If you do a good job, they catch on without you running up and down the street telling them how wonderful you are.
So, anytime we go out to work, whatever it is, we don’t have to knock ourselves out. All of this dates back to some early conditioning like on the Picture of Man it’s important to please everybody else. In order to know I have pleased them, I have to impress them. (To be continued next month)
COMMENTS FROM DR. BOB GIBSON
ASKING QUESTIONS
Once a question is put to the mind, the mind works with the question until it discovers the answer or that the question is improperly put— unanswerable. Any question that starts with a “why”, when dealing with human beings, is basically improperly put. One reason is that it is a basically a blaming question when asked regarding human beings. Most chronically nervous individuals are suffering with unanswerable question spinning in their heads.
We work with an individual and we listen to what unanswerable question they have put to themselves. The solution to a question is IN the question if properly put. Instead of searching for answers, let us search for a proper way to put the question.
Any question that starts with “why” is improperly put.
When we say “What” such as “What is going on?” Or “What am I doing?” The what asks for information, clarification, or understand. “Why” asks for blame.
RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES
All resentment, anger, aggression comes from the conditioned belief that we have RIGHTS. Our solution to resentment, anger and aggression is to realize that we have NO RIGHTS.
I do have PRIVILEGES and I am free to enhance, to maintain, and to increase my privileges. Privileges are acquired by my own effort. Fears are given to us.
PITY vs. LOVE
To the average conditioned minds, pity equals being loved. Therefore, we cling to all the unpleasant things and frequently re-hash them so that we can enjoy the self-pity and thus feel loved. Self-pity is emotional masturbation. I have to resent in order to feel sorry for myself, which is SENTIMENTALITY.
Sentimentality means a sickly mentality. Most people equate sentimentality with love.
CONDITIONING
To die to the past is to die to certain beliefs. Our sole effort is to become unconditioned. If the person tries to gain mystic experiences, we are in danger of become dingbats. When we are free of conditioning, we are one — that is, being integrated with Spirit. Conditioning has many aspects. It thrives on conflict and confusion because it needs these factors for survival.
Some conditioning can be used to my advantage, such as dressing myself, etc. These are the mechanical conditioning. Most conditioning is to my disadvantage. In fact, it is hell bent on destroying me, especially if I start to expose it. However, it would not be to my advantage to throw it out. I would have a great difficulty understanding the average infant with a grown body without it.
Conditioning, acknowledged and controlled by awareness, can be used by me to my advantage. It can be used as a guide (or even a disguise) in living in the man-made world. It is to my advantage to use conditioning. It is to my disadvantage to be used by conditioning.
Any evidence of boredom, anger, resentment, fear or apathy can to traced to conditioning. These states can be considered symptoms of conditioned conflict and confusion. By observing (not resisting) the conditioning, the symptoms dissolve. I am free to experience the symptoms, as well as the conditioning. But it really doesn’t appear to be very advantageous to me. So let’s be aware of the conditioning. Check out the decisions and live life as I want to, not as some spoiled squalling kid wants me to.
EXPECTATION
Expectations should be made conscious. We should find what decision it is based on and correct misconceptions. If an expectation is based on FACT, i.e. that the world is populated by infants with grown bodies who are technically educated. Expectation based upon fact results in creative action.
The basic misconception of expectation is: that a person knows what is right, proper, and/or justifiable, but goes on and does wrong anyway; therefore, he should be punished in some way.
But the Basic Fact is that it is impossible for a person to know that something is wrong, improper, or unjustifiable at the moment and go ahead and do it.
I know that whatever you do, have done, or will do, at the moment of doing it, you feel that it is either right, proper, or justifiable. Therefore, since this is the same criterion I use for my actions, I can in no way feel anger, resentment, hate, or wish any punishment for you. I may not wish to associate with you while you can justify certain behavior and if your behavior is detrimental enough to endanger the community or an individual, I may wish to quarantine you as I would a typhoid case.
This is AGAPE, the word that was translated as Love in the New Testament. The absence of Agape brings chaos. We have been taught to trust force but not Agape, which is understanding.
A STORY
I have been known to decide what others need and tell them how to better run their lives. They do not even have to ask me for this information. I am overflowing with important and useful information that I feel obligated to eagerly import to others whether they need it or not. Of course, this is a pure and simple ego trip on my part. I think that I know what ought to be!
This approach is insane, destructive, and toxic. The first error I make is that of making a judgment. Evidently they do not fit my ideal and I am not accepting others as they are, and in my self-righteous, self-serving manner I want to fix them.
Enough of all that. We know the drill.
Yet, there is hope for me. As Life continues to be my Teacher, I am learning that I know not what someone else’s journey is all about. So, stay out of it, for goodness sake! Everyone is absolutely wonderful just as they are right now. I can make no judgment unless I’m comparing them to an ideal. Besides, I well aware of how resistant and defensive I become if someone is trying to ‘fix me.’
Some things are your business. Some things are my business. There IS a line in the sand where I must not cross, unless I’m invited.
The Teachings state: Everyone (including this one) at a given moment is doing what they feel is right, proper, and/or justifiable with what light they have to see by. To understand this and treat others from this position is called AGAPE.
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me because I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the hell alone…..
